Hot dogs. Whatever happened to customer service and the “American way”!
beingzoe about 1 year ago | 4 responses     Potluck Gibber-gabber

One of my “friends” at Stumble sent me a message to read a recent post of his about how much he likes Geeky Chicks (I love geek chicks by MonkeyChapps ). I have checked out his stuff a few times before and it’s always an interesting read (not in the pejorative sense of the word interesting – but that’s a separate discussion).

However, the title of a recent post caught my eye: Just give me the dog!

Somehow I knew instantly he wasn’t talking about the snotty high school kid at the pet store in the mall. No. Immediately I recognized a hot dog story. Even better, a hot dog story about a snotty high school kid at a CostCo on the outskirts of town.

Anyone who knows me well at all is aware of my unnatural interest in hot dogs and what they mean to me. Hot dogs are a precious symbol of life in the modern era. I would have once said hot dogs were part of the “American Dream”. But now I don’t use the term America to represent the United States of America (but that is yet another wholly separate discussion), and unfortunately “part of the United States of American dream” just doesn’t roll off the tongue. But the real reason I will no longer say they are part of the “American Dream” is that they are so much bigger, so much more important than that.

Make no mistake, I am a proud United States of American and hot dogs are a proud patriotic symbol of life in the U.S. though I feel that is only part of the story.

Hot dogs are the best and worst of what humanity is capable of, metaphorically and literally. They symbolize all that human endeavor can accomplish. They give us a glimpse into our ability to take a bunch of crap and turn into something special and useful. Unfortunately, especially when talking about a turkey, beef, and chicken hybrid dog, also remind us that we will sweep garbage off the floor and ask people to eat it for a buck.

Hot dogs demonstrate our ingenuity and cleverness as mostly hairless monkeys. Hot dogs inform us on why it is so easy to think of ourselves as the most important thing in the universe. But the dark side of the hot dog makes it clear that, left unchecked, human greed will consume us all, grinding us into a uniform meat paste that tastes good on the fourth of July.

And this is why I treasure the hot dog. Through the act of eating a hot dog, we are humbling ourselves in recognition of our frailty as a species while simultaneously exalting our virtues as vibrant, highly successful, conscious beings.

The hot dog does not just make me proud to be a United States of American, but proud to be alive.

In his post, MonkeyChapps describes how he recently endured some less than prideful behavior via a snack bar worker on behalf of CostCo. Like any proud human, after a hearty session of shopping, he just wants to enjoy a pleasant hot dog, and savor the day. CostCo apparently doesn’t understand this tradition and is exploiting the good will inherent in vending hot dogs and refuses to offer adequate customer service training to their employees.

I’m not going to rewrite his post, but you should read it here to understand the seriousness of the situation. Suffice it to say, when buying a hot dog is a struggle, when purchasing anything for that matter is not transacted by mirthful representatives of democracy and a free market economy, this is our real canary in the coal mine.

You see there is no excuse for offering bad customer service. If you work in a service or retail industry, it is a job of honor and discipline. It is your responsibility to not make me want to buy, but to make me feel good about doing it! And if you don’t like your job, exercise your right to a better life, choose your destiny, and get another job.

But when bad customer service is offered, nay, outright impeded during the purchase of a hot dog, this is a slight on all humanity.

Friends, you may find my commentary glib. Indeed there is an undertone of mockery, but do not doubt for one moment that I am serious. That mockery is an implicit component of self confidence and mental aptitude that has made the West great, and is rapidly spreading throughout the known world. If you believe in freedom then you believe in the hot dog. There is no middle-ground. Either you eat hot dogs or you are against us.

Please, go to the nearest quality hot dog vendor and get yourself a small taste of freedom. Get yourself a hot dog, and buy one for the guy behind you. It’s the right thing to do.

Then go write to Amnesty International and tell them that if they really want to make a difference, they need to start selling hot dogs.

Live free and use spicy mustard.

Zoe is a freelance journalist and rope maker living in San Diego where he enjoys bobsledding and eating Polish sausage with his car.

hot dog guide, stockholm august 2005 image
used under a Creative Commons License
courtesy of seier+seier+seier at Flickr. seier+seier+seier is an architect and photographer in Copenhagen whose architectural photographs are well worth checking out. However, this image demonstrates just how much bigger than the United States the hot dog has become. Now I have to go get a hot dog with potato salad on it.

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