Gibber-gabber
I tried the Master Cleanse Lemonade Fast…and failed?
beingzoe almost 4 years ago

For those of you who aren’t familiar with the Master Cleanse Lemonade Fast, it was first introduced to the public in Stanley Burroughs 1941 book The Master Cleanser. Many years later Glickman brought the detox diet to a larger more mainstream audience with his book Lose Weight, Have More Energy and Be Happier in 10 Days. And it’s been making people crazy ever since.

The detox diet is based on drinking a simple concoction of:

• 8oz water
• 2 tbsp lemon juice
• 2 tbsp maple syrup (Grade B only)
• 1/10th tsp cayenne pepper (or however much you can stand)

Drink as much of this as you want, but the suggested daily does is approximately 8-12 glasses of the lemonade. Then in the mornings and evenings drink a laxative tea. As part of the more thorough cleansing, like bathing the insides, first thing in the morning you really push it out by drinking four cups of salt water:

• 4 cups lukewarm water
• 2 tsp sea salt (not iodized )

Yum. Now that’s a tasty breakfast. In fact that was the worst part of the whole thing. Of course I had remembered the proportion of salt to water and was using two tablespoons instead of teaspoons.

The full master cleanse last 10 days and according to all the books published on the subject, say you can go as many as 40 days for maximum cleansing action.

According to Stanley Burroughs, the lemonade, thanks to the maple syrup, has all the base nutrients and calories you need to not feel hungry and stay healthy. While I have no scientific proof of this I will simply take him on his word. I did not actually feel hungry in the nearly five days I was on the Master Cleanse.

Starting to feel hungry? Have another glass of sweet and spicy lemonade!

The lemonade drink itself was actually quite tasty . It is likely I will mix a batch from time to time for my daily routine and while working/playing on the computer where I tend to snack incessantly.

Fasting is the farthest thing from my mind, ever. I am more the I-love-eating-do-it-whenever-you-want kind of person. My philosophy has always been eat what you want. If you want to be healthier then eat healthier and exercise. And if you want to lost weight, then eat less and exercise more. Intentionally not eating is about the wackiest notion that could cross my mind. And I think some wacky things.

However have a tendency to be somewhat obsessive and/or compulsive and often times more than a casual hedonist, I find myself eating as much of whatever I feel like when I want, consequences be damned. Sometimes I marvel that I am not obese.

But one day while hanging out with my friends, they mentioned that they were all going to do the Master Cleanse, and asked if I were interested. Somehow I didn’t think they were serious, but somehow serious at the same time. Not eating? Based on unproven fasting technology from a book that begins with a statement of the god given right to be free from disease and the importance of asking god to bless your meal? Did they really say fast, as in not eating?

I sheepishly and somewhat humorously said, “Sure?”

The fast was scheduled to begin Wednesday, as it was my friend Alan’s birthday, and his mother would be heartbroken (or at least not understand) why they couldn’t have a birthday meal. Over the next several days I had to keep asking myself (much as my friends kept asking me), “Are you really going to do it?”

Just thinking about doing it brought to illuminated my eating habits. I became even more aware of how much I snack, especially in the evenings while reading, watching a movie, or playing on the computer. It reminded me, painfully, of how inactive I had become over the winter, and how much weight I had gained. As the day neared, and I didn’t feel any more sure or compelled to join in on the insanity, I began eating less and being more conscious of what that was, however slight.

Tuesday rolled around, and we all met with Alan and his family for lunch at the Soup Plantation. We had a hearty and healthy lunch, and the topic of the fast certainly dominated. And everyone, including me, continued to ask, “Are you really going to do it?”

Well, after we parted ways I set off to finish some work that needed done, and then later to wind down I played Grand Theft Auto (it is a really relaxing game actually). The next thing you know it’s getting later in the evening and I had not eaten anything since Soup Plantation. And I knew it because my stomach began to feel painful with hunger cramps and I was getting light headed. And for some reason in that moment I thought, y’know what…I’m going to do the Master Cleanse.

I’m not sure how a painful moment of not eating convinced me that I would do the detox diet. So I ate a couple of crackers to quell the bad feeling in my stomach and headed out to the store to purchase the requisite supplies.

Once at the store I was first shocked to discover how expensive lemons were. Secondly I discovered that most grocery stores do not carry grade B maple syrup, and they also had not one laxative tea in the whole store. So right from the start I should have known I was damned. I settle for grade A maple syrup which the book says will work but is not as healthy or good as the B for this purpose. For all I know this my first bending of the diet that ultimately led to my quitting.

Replete with my food source for the next 10 days, with a queer bit of excitement mix up my first batch. This was the first time I had tasted the lemonade mixture and was pleasantly surprised. I determined from that point forward I was officially fasting.

I enjoyed the remainder of my evening with no discomfort, but it was revealing to notice just how reflexively I would reach for some kind of snack while sitting at the computer, despite there being no snack to reach for.

The next morning I have my first breakfast of salt water. Not able to find a cup big enough to do all four cups at once, I decide to drink the salt water in 2 two cup batches. Bad idea! I downed the first two cups no problem, disgusting but I made it. After rinsing my mouth out and mixing up the next two cups, I didn’t get a few gulps in before my body seized up with indignant revolt. After a few moments I tried again, not getting more than just past half before I spit out the last mouthful and dumped the glass. And perhaps this was the second big error leading to my inability to complete the fast.

Then the big decision was upon me. To drink coffee or not. Nearly very fasting source in the world says that you should not drink coffee while fasting. And many of these sources would go further and say you should never drink coffee or caffiene at all. Determining that to be ridiculous, and science discovering in the last twenty years just how healthy coffee is, I decided to still have a coffee, but I would just cut down. Where I would normally put a dash of cream or whole milk, I opted to use non-fat milk which we had left over from a recent visit with my father. And here we could be the third fatal action in my quest to do the impossible.

The day went on mostly as normal, excepting the massive need to use the restroom shortly after ingesting the salt water. Throughout the day, other than impulsive reflexive motions towards getting food, I was surprised at how easy it was not to eat or need food. It were as if, the lemonade was living up to it’s promises, and my commitment, however flimsy, to not eat were enough.

It was not until the evening that anything seemed amiss. A massive headache came on and I was having a hard time concentrating. After consulting with one of my clients who used to be in the nutritional and longevity scene and a masseuse and trainer at the famous Golden Door, we determined it was the seriously decreased doses of caffeine causing the headache and that drinking coffee was going to do no harm to my fast. Though considering his background including previous week long fasts, I was surprised at how non-chalant and unimpressed he was about the whole concept. He seemed to feel as though the hippy-dippy health claims of purging toxins and diseases were mostly hype. And yet he still said it was worth doing and couldn’t hurt. When pressed, he said that I would most likely feel neither appreciably worse or better at the end, but it probably had some benefit, and at the very least was a fascinating experience. Unfortunately this was a psychological blow to my effort right on the first day, and was perhaps the fourth cause of my failing to go the full 10 days.

Nonetheless I persisted. The main reason was that the next day I woke up feeling good, almost energized. Being smarter about the salt water, I used a pitcher to mix up all four cups and downed 90% of it as quick as I could. But I still couldn’t get it all down without my body telling me to stop. Again, shocked at how easy it was to not eat or long for food, I made it through the day without consequence. I did have my normal coffee for the day, starting with the salt water, then drinking several more glasses of unsalted water, then had a coffee, lot’s more water, then drank 32oz of lemonade, then more water, another coffee, and then alternated water and lemonade the rest of the day, probably drinking about 100oz of lemonade.

Day three was a little more trying. Not at first, I woke up feeling fresh and energized the same as day two. But as the day wore on I felt rundown. While typically my work keeps at the computer, I had to record voice-over for an upcoming video project, and running around, setting up the microphones, computer, and finalizing the script while not normally taxing at all, proved to be somewhat draining. That night especially I was worn out. Though I did cut back to one cup of coffee that day out of sequence of events more than anything, and did not experience any discomfort from that. Overall still feeling generally good though, just worn down and a little out of it. But still amazed at how easy it was to not even really think of food in so little time.

The day before in an effort to replenish maple syrup stocks and finally find an appropriate detox or laxative tea, I went to Major Market, a somewhat classy and amazing grocery store with normal American food stuffs and brands, but items from countries and manufacturers around the world. I though for sure they would have what I needed. Unfortunately they didn’t. They only had grade A maple syrup, and only fancy kinds many of them flavored, and at outrageous prices. Here I should mention that the official master cleanse diet suggests the substitution of molasses in place of maple syrup for diabetics. So when confronted with a choice of excessively priced maple syrup, and reasonably priced molasses, I opted for the reasonably priced molasses. Bad idea. It tasted horrible. It was my fear of what the lemonade was going to taste like in the first place. So for the duration of day three I drank this foul prune juice flavored concoction, and this shift in carb/sugar/nutrient source could be still the next catalyst for failure in my story. Fortunately my sister had replenished the grade B syrup supply so that day four started out with the normal elixir.

Waking on day four did not reveal the same energy or vitality. Right from the start I was experiencing some discomfort and mentally distanced and detached. Was it the previous days activities, the variance in the lemonade mixture, the supposed ill-feeling that some say is the result of purging toxins, was it the coffee, or the dash of non-fat milk I put in it, or simply not eating. Well there could be another reason, which I will get into in a moment.

Much like when I feel sick I withdrew into a lethargic state of wanting to do nothing but sit or lie around and ingest passive entertainment like a movie or something. But recalling that it uses more energy to sleep than watch tv, and still more to problem solve, I determined to play a new real-time strategy game, Sins of a Solar Empire. My logic was certainly flawed. While reasoning that an outdoor activity like riding my bike, which I was beginning to long for, seemed unwise in my current state, somehow the thought of burning extra calories on the brain power of learning and problem solving a difficult new game would be appropriate activity.

And this is where the purists, who are already flipping out about drinking coffee on a fast, and everyday persons will begin scoffing with violent protest and incredulity: I smoke and had continued to smoke thoughout the entire fast. While I understand the logic (or un-logic) that in undergoing an activity to purge toxins and disease from the body, smoking is the antithesis of that, and in some was crazy.

Nevertheless. I have been smoking the whole time. And on the fourth day, sitting down to play this new game I didn’t take into account the fact that when I play video games (which for the record is very rare despite what this article might indicate) I smoke twice as much, ritualistically and habitually, without thought.

And so in this weakened and uncomfortable state of being I set out in the afternoon to play a game that undoubtedly would last 2-6 hours, sitting in a smoke filled studio in my garage. And I will admit that this seems like not the next part of my downfall on the diet, but was likely the cause of my fall from “grace”.

Worse, not only did I play one game, but after barely winning the first game, I felt compelled to try again. Though I took a shower inbetween, and it was there in the warm water feeling very bad, that I had my first longing for food, a hazy vision of macaroni and cheese through the bad feelings and discomfort.

Within the first two days, our friend who had started this whole crazy idea, had quit. She gave in to what were apparently overwhelming urges to eat. I heard through friends first that she had caved in, having some macaroni and cheese. I had stated at the start, that since she was the real reason I was doing this, (despite my rationalizing that it might make me feel better in the end, help revise my eating habits, and possibly lose some weight) if she quit then I would as well. In mind though at the time, I thought this would be like having AA support buddies, someone to turn to when the going got tough and keep you going. In fact I had called Alan the first night saying I was having a hard time (mainly because of the headache and having my last throws of desire to have some food or snack that I enjoyed). We talked, and it was no problem to go on.

So when our friend quit, I was definitely at a crossroad. I was emotionally torn up over the whole thing. And while I determined that I had come this far, so why not go on? I had almost decided at that moment that I would take it through the weekend to go a full 5-6 days and call it quits. I hadn’t consciously made that decision, but I had mentioned it a couple of times as a possibility. And of all the reasons I failed, even more than the smoking, this was probably the strongest cause yet.

I am sure I drank less water and had resumed my normal two cups of coffee for the day, though I did drink all required lemonade. But as the day wore on I began to wear out, feeling worse and worse. In fact I couldn’t even finish the second game, stopping shortly after starting.

Instead of playing a second game, I opted to retire to my bed and lie down in the hopes that I would simply fall asleep and wake refreshed and recharged, possibly even prepared to go the full 10 days.

But I didn’t. As I lay there with my laptop stumbling random videos online my condition worsened. Not only could I not sleep, but my body seemed to be in revolt. Hunger pangs were rising, my whole stomach and intestinal track seemed to be quivering on the edge of some sort of internal seizure. And it was this physical discomfort bordering on pain that was the final straw.

I had mentioned to my sister earlier that day my doubts and ill-feelings. And despite what now seems like a lot of mental preparation for that moment, it took a lot of reverse will power to fight the urge to continue, while actually reaching a moment of realization that food was likely my best course of action.

Once that moment arrived, I got up with conviction and headed out to the kitchen where I proceeded to have some apple sauce. My thought was that it was a fairly liquified but nutritious food stuff with some substance to it. Though I was a bit scared. The diet suggests taking several days to move back to solid food, starting with orange juice, moving to soup broth, and so on.

After couple of spoonfuls of apple sauce I felt better, mentally at least. And within a half hour the rumblings inside my body had mostly subsided, and I no longer felt outrageously unwell. After a couple of hours passed without any adverse reaction, I took the big plunge and had a piece of bread with some peanut butter and jelly.

I was very surprised though that the food didn’t taste better. We had been talking all week about how amazing that next meal was going to be, how much flavor it would have, But the fact was the apple sauce had a metallic taste which subsided after a bit. And by the time I had the peanut butter and jelly sandwich, it just tasted great like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich has always tasted to me.

But it didn’t taste better. It taste great and more fulfilling like a long day out on the trail with my mountain bike, feeling worn out and invigorated from a good and exhilarating work out. Food on days like that tastes amazing. Food after nearly 5 days on a fast tasted merely satisfying. Which I will say was good enough at the time.

So I failed. Or did I?

Yes, by drinking coffee and smoking I was defying the conventions of fasting. And as my sister pointed out, the coffee and smoking could have began causing problems because food normally helps metabolize and absorb the toxins of smoking. As for the coffee, who knows, she might be right, but I don’t really think that was a major factor. The two psychologically damaging moments of external doubt coupled with the smoking I think were the major players in my ultimately quitting the fast.

But do I feel like a failure? At first I did, in those moments lying in bed deciding to eat. I also felt like I had done some wrong to the two remaining people on the fast. I was breaking our support group, giving others cause to stop.

But I did not fail and in turn am not a failure.

I did what I thought would be impossible for me, a lover of food and compulsive snacker. I did not eat for nearly 5 solid days. In the past I would have referred to that as monolithic will-power. But I learned that it really wasn’t will-power as I’ve always thought of it. It was a simple commitment once determined was easy to endeavor. I knew I would eat again someday, that I had to eat again someday. So the eating alone could not be considered a failure.

And what I learned about that commitment, is easily something that I can take with me for other activities and endeavors, including the day I finally decide that I have had enough of smoking. From time to time, despite loving the act of smoking, the longer I do it, like anyone, I feel the adverse effects. Though in my case not as bad or extreme as others. And as I am often extremely active mountain biking those adverse effects are further lessened to the point of seeming negligible. Nonetheless, sometime I just don’t enjoy it, and when that day comes where I fully commit to how much I don’t enjoy it or the damage it is doing to my body, I can remember those few days not eating. While I need to eat, I know that I don’t need to smoke, and I can easily apply the same mental state.

But for now, I am going to start by using this “will-power” to ensure that I take the time every day to get outside, get on my bike, spend time with friends, work at a more healthy pace, and quit sweating the small stuff.

I am going to spend more time on what brings me joy. And while the depravation of a fast was the last thing I would have thought to be reminded of that seemingly opposing notion, sometimes we have to suffer a little to recognize the good stuff.

Ahhh, phooey, I’ll take just feeling good any day!

Follow the sage in my next post, Post Master Cleanse…Day 1