Gibber-gabber
Can you please keep your light…
beingzoe 2007-12-01 02:08:31 UTC

Unfortunately this story didn’t involve or affect me directly, but it had a major impact on my psyche for the day.

We were loading in a Bulgarian opera and the day started out with a modicum of normalcy, at least for working with guys who barely spoke English (and I can’t feel that bad for not knowing Bulgarian—is that a language?).

The electrics crew at our theater is usually spot on. Everything working seamlessly, getting done quickly and efficiently. On this day we even had a lot of experienced regulars for the overhire. However, once they got to focusing, things didn’t seem quite right. Everything was taking forever, and you could hear the patient and soft spoken LD repeatedly calling out focus orders (if I remember correctly the LD showed up later and was from the US, but he definitely spoke English). All day this molasses slow focus was taking place, and it was one of the rare occasions that the days schedule was modified to get the focus done before house open.

But the real fun came at show time. Right from the first cue, one of the spot ops missed the target by half a stage. Instantly the spot op was on headset, “I am so sorry.”

Repeatedly it kept happening, all the while the LD remaining calm, rarely if every mentioning it. Cue after cue, missed the mark, didn’t track with the performer, cutting the head off, all in an ever worsening demonstration of spot light operation. With each missed cue and mark the spot op would rush to hit the talk button, “I am SO sorry,” in an ever escalating tone of fear and embarrassment.

All the while I am hanging out in the lighting booth (they had their own sound engineer) and the master electrician and I are both laughing hysterically and cringing in horror. Here was one of our union brothers dishonoring the entire local with the worst spot operation possibly in recorded history. Between the raising pitch and intensity of the “I’m SO SORRIES” and the actual thing that was being apologized for I could barely watch. The master electrician, between guffaws of laughter, kept wondering what he should do, even so far as asking me if I would run the lighting console if he decided to go up and replace the spot op himself.

The whole incident was as humorous and uncomfortable as watching a mashup of Curb Your Enthusiasm and the British version of The Office with Larry David AND Steve Carrel as one human being.

But moving through the first act it appeared as though the spot op had pulled it together. He began hitting cues and the freakshow seemed over. No, I’m sorries, just successful cues.

Then sometime nearing intermission, the unthinkable began. Not only did he begin missing his performers, but the spotlight began swinging wildly onto the proscenium and nearly hitting the opera boxes, all over the speaker clusters, top of heads in the front row. I’m SO SORRY. Not once mind you, but a few cues in a row. I am SO SORRY. Light spilling from a spot light where it should never be seen, not even for sighting in. I AM SO SORRY. Audience members and building brought into sharp perspective in the dark of a theater full of people. I AM SO SORRY.

After a couple of minutes, the LD calmly and without a hint of annoyance asked, “Could you please keep your light off the architecture.”

The spot op, suddenly sounding calm replied, “I am so sorry.”